I am your scar. Apple trees abandoned in a field, a prayer for so much sky, nostalgia for blindness is not always grieving (out of ruins, we rise to stare at one another’s faces, the unsaid means more sometimes). As in my dream I felt this happiness, the stars. I was not afraid I lost the track marks for the loom of light of you was weaving me. I blindly touched your face and said goodbye to being afraid. Some things we cannot repair, we are a rag to huff with, we are a pack of Newports crumpled. We are a windowsill looking down at our former lives. We are a shadow hushed in the shape of someone fallen. Sometimes we are barely visible as if almost erased. Drawn in pencil, the you the I, the I I love elusive oracle of a tumbled sparrow. Hooked up to an IV, the body breathes and trembles. The hospitals where we did not die. The body has its art composed. The wrist’s trembling tracks, bare footed in the back yard and danced until we became sacks, empty paper sacks blowing in the breeze. The disappeared in Chile or Argentina or Newark? There is a killing absence that hurts the chest. Like such afraid music… For memory is a “moment that exists, infinitesimal as starlight.” To watch you sleep with your hands beside your face as if praying. And when one does make it through such longing, a branch I air, your eyelids painted green, the way you held a cigarette like a peacock spreads its plumes. Not even the rain could explain nor understand the way grief can wash the body clean.
About Sean Thomas Dougherty
Sean Thomas Dougherty is the author or editor of 13 books including the forthcoming All I Ask for Is Longing: New and Selected Poems 1994-2014
(BOA Editions), Scything Grace
(2013 Etruscan Press), Sasha Sings the Laundry on the Line
(2010 BOA Editions) and Broken Hallelujahs
(2007 BOA Editions). Recent poems in Cream City Review
and North American Review
. His awards include two PA Council for the Arts Fellowships in poetry and a Fulbright Lectureship for poetry to the Balkans. He currently works in a pool hall, gives readings around the nation and teaches creative writing part-time at Cleveland State University.